She was telling me what was on her heart and mind that day, and what she was struggling with. I listened. She sounded tired.
When she finished talking, apart from a ‘hm’ of acknowledgment, I stayed silent. I didn’t know what to say or ask, so I said nothing.
After a brief pause, she started talking again. I listened as she tried to give herself a pep talk. She wasn’t buying it though. She knew it and I knew it, and she didn’t need me to say it. She went silent. I didn’t know what to say or ask, so I said nothing.
The silence stretched. Ten seconds. A minute. Two minutes. Five minutes. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Quite the opposite actually. My mind was empty, fully present in the silence we shared.
She sighed. “This silence actually feels really good, " she said. I hm’d again, this time in agreement.
We were on an audio only call. It was early morning where she was, still dark, the sky just starting to get lighter. I was sitting outside in the afternoon sun in Andorra. I leaned my back against the stone wall and closed my eyes, listening to the silence, basking in it.
Every once in a while, she’d start talking again, just a sentence or two. Sometimes I’d ‘hm’ in response, but mostly I stayed silent.
When she spoke, I listened to her words.
When she didn’t speak, I listened to the rhythm of her heartbeat. I listened to the thinking that was happening inside of her. I listened to what wanted to be said, but wasn’t. I listened to what our ears normally can’t hear, but our heart often can.
She exhaled deeply: “Hmmmmm.” I felt my body relax in response.
Nearing the end of our call, she thanked me. “I really appreciate that we could be silent together. And that you just let me talk without trying to solve anything. It felt so nourishing. I just needed to hear myself. I know what I want to do about X. It may be difficult, but it’s what I need to do for myself.”
She didn’t need me to ask her questions. She didn’t need me to share my reflections. She didn’t need me to tell her what to do. She needed me to create and hold a space for her in which she could hear herself.
Because sometimes (or maybe often) we can hear ourselves best when we’re being listened to, even when we’re not talking.