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I am that I am.

Sometimes when I’m feeling a little untethered, this is the declaration that helps me feel anchored again.

I am that I am.

That’s it.

I am that I am.

No need to be anything other than that.

I am that I am.

My mind starts questioning what it means, trying to decipher it, trying to logic my way through it.

I am that I am.

Sometimes, when my mind is going a million miles per minute (at least, that’s what it feels like), just being out in nature isn’t enough to help me slow down and relax.

Playing with a new practice of doing (water)colour studies of things (flowers, plants, stones, snail shells, leaves, etc.) and landscapes helps me in those moments when my usual mindfulness tools aren’t enough.

Trying to mix the different colours I see slows down my thinking and helps me become present again. It’s also a fun way of creating more connectedness with the environment I’m in, observing more closely with intention vs haphazardly from a dNotes/loesvanmierlo.com/attachments/a-practice-to-calm-my-racing-mind/colour-study.webp]]

Today is the exact halfway point of my life – I have been alive the same amount of time as I will still be alive.

Do I know when I will die?

No, of course not.

But just play with me for a moment.

Do you ever think about how long you still have on this earth? Not just in a vague “of course I’ll die someday when I’m old and grey” kind of way, but really think about the number of years, months, weeks you may still have left?

“Go for a hike” something inside me whispered.

“But it’s foggy” I tried.

“Go for a hike” the whisper repeated.

“But it’s only 6am” I tried again.

“Go for a hike” the whisper continued.

“But it’s going to rain” I tried one last time.

“Go for a hike” the whisper persisted.

So I went, despite the fog and the early hour and the rain.

The trail was deserted. The fog enveloped everything in a soft light and the leaves seemed even greener than usual.

Last week I mentioned that Morning Pages are my mental clutter clearing tool of choice. If you’re wondering what Morning Pages (MPs) are, they are a daily journaling practice from Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”: three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning.

I first encountered The Artist’s Way and MPs while I was traveling around India. Near the end of my 12 month trip, a fellow traveller in Mamallapuram introduced me to the book and I fell in love with the practice of writing my MPs. I have never actually finished the whole book (I never got past week six), but doing MPs is something that stuck and I have been doing them on and off for over 7 years now. There are times when I don’t do them for a while and I notice I’m not feeling as focused or as balanced, so I always start again.

*spirit team = the universe, God/Goddess/Creator, angels, ancestors, spirit guides, etc.

When you feel lonely, know that you’re being wrapped in soft wings of love. When you tell yourself you’re stupid, stupid, stupid, know that they know better than that.

When you’re at a crossroads, know that you’re being nudged in the right direction. When you ask for a sign, know that you’re always given one, just not always the one you wish for. When you jump, know that they’re there to catch you, just in case.

For those times when life feels like chaos and all you can do is get through the day. Through the week. When all you can do is survive. When you are so tired you don’t have any energy left to spend on things that are important. That truly matter to you.

When all you can do is react to what’s happening instead of leading your own life. For those times when it feels like life is a burden instead of a joy and you just don’t know if you can do it. How you can do it. When you just wish everything was back to normal.